ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

[anonconcrit]

ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME
inspired by the previous anon feedback memes

THE RULES

1. If you're a writer, post a comment with your username and/or wherever you post your fics. WRITERS PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU'RE SIGNED IN, either with a dreamwidth account or using your livejournal/another account with OpenID. The account you use to log-in doesn't have to be the account(s) you have your fics on (please link those in the comment), this is just to make sure people aren't impersonating other writers. Comments not following this rule will be deleted.

lj code:
<user name="yourusername" site="livejournal.com">

dw code:
<user name="yourusername">

other sites (ao3, tumblr, etc):
<a href="linktoyourfic">username</a>

2. Writers, if you so wish, you may mention in your comments specific things you would like feedback to focus on (i.e: characterization, writing style, pacing, etc. or even a specific fic in particular).

3. Commenters, reply to the thread with your concrit, positive or negative. No bashing, attempts to start wank, or comments on personalities, etc. Try to be genuinely helpful. Writers, please make sure you're prepared to take constructive criticism!

4. Pimp out this post with your thread, using the code below!

<center><span style="text-transform:uppercase;font-family:courier new,courier,monospace;font-size:13pt;"><b>ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME</b></span><br><small><a href="LINKTOTHREAD">my thread</a></small></center>


Have fun!!

Comments

example comment

[buscrowd.livejournal.com]

log in with livejournal using openid like this. fic @ buscrowd

[anglestory180.livejournal.com]

anglestory180

can you check out this fic (http://anglestory180.livejournal.com/6724.html) in paticular and give me feedback on characterization, character dynamics, and pacing? 

[(Anonymous)]

unfortunately i'm not very familiar with moss a so i can't comment on jia's characterization in terms of accuracy, but i did enjoy reading her as someone with almost no interest in miss a, so kudos. i think you've paced it well, it was a more reflective story than anything else, and i think the somewhat slow pacing you had for it fit. as for character dynamics, the jia/fei one was the strongest definitely, their relationship was very sweet and i enjoyed their interactions a lot. i would personally have liked the yixing and jia , or more specifically yixing himself, to have been developed more. we see him through jia's pov but i think adding more distinct dialogue, and deeper introspect from jia about him, would make it more obvious why jia is attracted to him? the set up you had with jia having been with kris before yixing was a really interesting one, and i think that's a conflict worth exploring more

aside from that, your writing style is good, but i definitely think it would benefit you to cut down on the description? having a character's inner monologue dominate works sometimes with more upbeat stories, but i feel like in this case it was too much because the story was so subdued. every observation jia makes is accompanied by a paragraph of brooding, to the point where i ended up skimming a lot of it

overall it was a good read. miss a/exo isn't a combination i've ever thought about before, and you did well selling it. you could become the captain of their ship

Re: Comment request

[(Anonymous)]

pimping the thread just means, post a link to your comment on your journal so that people know about this meme and know that you want concrit! you don't have to use that code but just linking your comment on twitter, tumblr, or elsewhere so people who read your fics can give you feedback

[okami-kaoru.livejournal.com]

hi! all of my fics are currently at ao3, posted under tokkiui (http://archiveofourown.org/users/tokkiui/works)♪

it's basically a mess of angsty drabbles, full of sword boys, kpop idols and anime.

any kind of feedback would be great!

thank you in advance ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

[(Anonymous)]

something i really like is how strongly sentimental your fics are. i liked the intensity of the emotions and conflict your characters feel, and i like that there's a lot happening to keep a reader engaged

i think the biggest flaw in your fics is that you tend to use wording that sounds awkward. so for example in your dd minibang fic:

however, when it actually happens, it is pretty awkward for the first few minutes, yes. but the relief and happiness he feels, or rather both of them, if the look on sunggyu’s face is anything to go by, those soon overshadow everything else.

there's too many words, it's too stilted, and they're ordered awkwardly, and i had to read it twice in order to get what was being said, it would read better like "however when it actually happens, despite the initial awkwardness, the relief and happiness woohyun feels overshadows everything else". the more simple the better. that being said i think "show don't tell", although cliche, is a rule that'd be useful to keep in mind with your writing. instead of telling us how a character feels, show us through how he acts, his dialogue, the way he speaks

in terms of plot the only thing i can really think of critiquing is, with angst, it's easy to make it cheap and over the top. to prevent that keep in mind that these are real people, and give them nuances beyond how sad/hurt/betrayed they are, and i guess just make sure the circumstance justifies the feeling? so far none of your fics have ever really done that too much, but i'm mentioning it just as something to think about for the future for when you want to go angstier lol

anyway, i hope none of what i said came off as mean! if so i'm really sorry. comparing your 2012 iss story to your 2014 dd mini bang one, i think you've improved heaps in regards to prose and the sophistication of your story telling. the difference is easily noticeable, and if you just worked on those few things mentioned your writing would ready extremely well. especially since you have other things like pacing down pat!

[kisoap.livejournal.com]

hansumdo (link (http://hansumdo.livejournal.com/tag/%23kisoap) to the fics that are mine, since i share the comm with my friend)
i have a good idea of the areas i need to work on in my writing, but i'd like to get more feedback so here i am! thank you in advance ♥

[(Anonymous)]

i honestly think your writing is great. your style is smooth, clean, immersive, almost poetic. and i love that you write such substantial fics for the rare pairs that wouldn't ideally get much love. i didn't read your olymfics fic when it was published because of the word count, and the fact i don't really like laboum. but i read it just now and it was lovely ;~~;

the only thing i could say is that i think your dialogue could be better. i mean it's fine, but it could be better. i don't know how to articulate myself well lol, but like right now i feel as though the way your characters speak isn't specific to them, but rather specific to your writing, so better dialogue would help create a stronger character voice, which is something everyone could improve on really!

that's me nitpicking though because i honestly really love your writing ;~~; please continue writing for the small nugu groups and random pairings nobody else will <3

sassyneki.livejournal.com

[tetrys.livejournal.com]

sassyneki

There's a single oneshot (1.5 Hearts) posted up there right now, and I have another on my aff (link here (www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/946216/paramnesia-exo-jongin-kyungsoo-kaisoo-universityau-uniau)) but I am more interested in getting feedback on 1.5 Hearts as it is more representative of my current writing style. I have a vague idea of how I can improve but would like more concrete, objective feedback, thanks!

[darkyulate]

wheredreamslast

It would be great if you could give me feedback on my more recent works. I'm still in the process of getting a hang for my writing style so while it's still in the works, I'd love to get feedback on not only my writing but everything else you can spot and comment on. :)

[(Anonymous)]

really liking the slight change in style – you've still retained that distinct tone of yours while improving on the narration. :) try to engage your characters more with the surroundings and the other characters better, though. i.e. instead of saying, Kyuhyun shivers as a feather light touch traces a line down his face. Even as the touch wakes his mind, he can't seem to open his eyes to see what it is. you can maybe say, Kyuhyun shivers when he feels something ghost over his skin, just light enough to make his senses tingle. He can hear voices at the back of his mind now, all asking him what's happening, who's touching him, why is he being touched, but he can't seem to open his eyes just yet. His eyelids still feel too heavy and his limbs are sore. And sleep feels too comfortable draped all over his body.

this is just a suggestion, though! but yeah, you've gotten better from when you last did the anon meme. yaaay :D

[yuraxchan.livejournal.com]

yuraxchan I only write EXO and TaeKai fics for now :)

I posted my recent works at exochrome and I would like some feedback on the fics there, but you can totally give me feedback on my older fics too. I really want to improve my english writing style but i don't know how, so please help me out n.n

[corpuscallos_m]

livejournal

AO3

AFF

different fic in different places. same fic in most places. please concrit on anything you want even if it's several years old. :)

[kkam_jjong.livejournal.com]

Hi! OP, thanks for creating this; it's a great opportunity to get constructive criticism on writing!

I have one ongoing fanfic, it's a slice-of-life Jonghyun/Kibum (with generous servings of bff!jinki/kibum) fic, set in a coffee shop-centric/college alternate universe. I started writing and posting this in 2013 then stopped. I've recently continued it, so there is a two-year lapse between the writing I did in Chapter 3 and in Chapter 4.

Please check it out on kkam_jjong! Here is the link to the first chapter: http://kkam-jjong.livejournal.com/725.html

Any feedback would be great! Thank you x

[heijihatsutori.livejournal.com]

Hi! I was wondering if somebody can do some feedback on my writing at heijihatsutori or if you prefer strictly fandom stuff here at AO3 (http://archiveofourown.org/users/heijihatsutori/works).

Most of it are AU and angst is my forte.

I apologize in advance for the grammar since most of them are un-betaed.

Thank you for giving me a bit of your time!

[(Anonymous)]

Just as a warning beforehand, I've only read the Infinite fics so I don't know how the rest is.

The good, first: I like the plotlines in your fics and your scene arrangement/pacing tends to be pretty good. There's a logical sequence of events and the build-up to the climax is well-done. I also think that you're good at setting the right atmosphere for a scene, giving it more of a dramatic feel, or a sad one, etc. The build-up tends to really pay off then so the climactic scenes are always intense.

Moving on to the bad, though... I know you've made a separate note about the grammar already but unfortunately it's still a little off-putting (at least to me). This is mainly because the errors make a lot of sentences really confusing, sometimes to the point that they require a reread or two for me to understand the meaning. At one point I was reading one of the fics, got to the end and was really confused because I completely misunderstood something in the beginning and so the end made no sense to me. I had to puzzle out some sentences first before I could figure out what really happened. Like I mentioned above, once the effort's taken to figure things out the events do make sense; the problem is they're hard to understand from the get-go and sometimes events (even important ones) end up flying over my head as a result of the grammar, which then upsets my understanding of the entire plotline.

Also, I've noticed that a lot of your dialogue lacks speech tags. While that's perfectly fine for the most part, when conversations go on for long enough and/or there's more than two people in the conversation it gets really easy to lose track of who's speaking (another reason why it's easy to get muddled and misunderstand what happened) and sometimes it's even necessary to backtrack to figure it out. There's no need to note it all the time, but a reminder every now and then would minimise some of the confusion.

My advice would definitely be to find a beta, especially one who won't be afraid to point out grammar errors or mistakes, and for self-editing I'd recommend trying to read the fic from a reader's point of view. Pretend that you don't know anything about your fic at all and go in without any assumptions about the characters/world, then read it over to see if it's confusing at the end.

Sorry if this comes off as harsh! I do like some aspects of your writing, chiefly the pacing/build-up, and the fact that you're actually writing fairly long fic in K-pop fandoms where that's a rarity is a plus in and of itself for me, but I didn't want to sugarcoat.

[gdgdbaby]

gdgdbaby (masterlist: 1, 2), gdgdbaby

the livejournal masterlists are updated with everything, even external links. most western fandom fic is housed on ao3.

i'd love to hear anything you have to say, though a focus on fic posted during 2013 and after is preferable since my writing's changed quite a bit (in a positive direction, hopefully) over the years!

[(Anonymous)]

i love your fic!! i definitely think you've improved from 2013 onwards, i think your writing reads a lot more natural now, it flows very easily, and it's easy to read without being simple. very clean and concise

i really can't think of anything to critique tbh. if anything, all i can say is. as much as i enjoy your porn, i wish you wrote longer and more substantial kpop fic. of course it's your writing and this isn't to be demanding!! but my favorite fic of yours is probably "for club and for country", and i'd love to see you try something like that again because i think you have a talent for worldbuilding that we don't get to see often

[markerlimes]

first time trying one of these, here's wonderwall i suppose.

markerlimes (masterlist @ lj + sunmi @ ao3)

i'd love any concrit or feedback! thanks!

[(Anonymous)]

your writing is pretty stunning, i'm in love with your prose and how effortlessly you weave a story together. i think you do well in balancing an easy to read style with one that's also sophisticated, and you have really interesting ways of describing things

i can't think of much to concrit writing wise. if i had to say something... this is nitpicking but i feel like in a few of your fics you have really great emotional build up all the way through, and then it just sort of plateaus. even though plot wise the fics are conclusive, i feel like in terms of emotional trajectory, they could be tied up better

that being said though, it's a really minor thing and it doesn't take away much from how much i love your stories <3 i'm a sort of sad you're not writing for got7 that much anymore :( but your new fandoms are very lucky to have someone as talented as you <3

[mara_ciro]

All my kpop fanfics are here: pseudoreports, while my figure skating ones are here: caramiro

I've gotten so used to feature writing that I feel like I'm no longer used to writing fiction. I know I kind of struggle with fleshing out scenes, since I've gotten too used to going straight to the point. And I'd appreciate any tips on what else I can improve on.

[(Anonymous)]

Hello there!

I absolutely love your fics (both K-Pop and figure skating). I love how your plots are so interesting.

If there's anything I want to comment on your writing, I think it's your ability to tell rather than show. I think your writing will be better if you would flesh out a scene a bit better, describe the scenery and the feelings of the characters. Also, how do I put it...? I find some scenes to end abruptly.

Anyway, I really hope you continue to write and come up with really good plots! All the best! :D

[justangel]

Please help me to improve my writing. I kinda feel like I'm stuck--or even regress as of recently. My last few pieces I wrote for kpop-olymfics were personally unsatisfactory. So I really appreciate it if anyone could help me :(

All of my writings can be found here jardin_interdit

[(Anonymous)]

I hope this isn't too late, but anyway.

I like how you can come up with plots that are true to life and can hit close to home. You have the ability to get a reader to want to sympathize, if not completely side with, the characters you intend for them to side with.

A problem I see is that, sometimes, your personal bias tends to show when you write, especially in your last Olymfics entries. The "antagonistic" characters barely have any redeeming qualities to them, meanwhile, your protagonists, though not bordering on Mary Sue, are the type people tend to want to coddle. (then again, you would want people to root for the protagonist, so it's not really a bad thing).

I don't know if I'm making any sense, but yeah...

[breadfruit]

sasireun: masterlist | ao3

this is my first time doing this, so i'm kind of anxious but i would love to improve in any way that i can. i don't take writing too seriously and i do it out of enjoyment but would love to see what anyone has to say, especially in regards to dialogue, which i think i'm particularly weak in, and maybe characterisation?

i'm not working on anything in particular at the moment for any of the fandoms i've written for previously as listed in the masterlist, but i'm hoping some con/crit will be helpful in getting more motivation to challenge myself to write something new :)

[(Anonymous)]

hello!
i've only read your bangtan fics so i dont know how much it reflects on your writing in general; just so you know.
okay so, i love your stories! white balance was one of my first bangtan fics, and light the spark is one of my favs! my biggest complain to you is probably how rarely you post, tbh lol. writing wise, i think you have interesting plots, but the stories almost always ends with i wish there were more? both in the sense of "i enjoyed your writing i wish this was longer!" and that you could have done more with that plot/you didn't dig deep enough.

that's what i think! i hope to see more stories from you :)

[iridae.livejournal.com]

iridae, masterlist is here (http://iridae.livejournal.com/1317.html)

any critique at all would be greatly appreciated, particularly on longer works if anyone has the time ^^;

[(Anonymous)]

one thing i noticed while reading your newest fic: some metaphors are cliche, superfluous, or just strange

ex. He knows what he needs to do — has to do — but the very thought of it sends a black well of anxiety into his stomach and Jinyoung knows he just can’t.

They fall into each other, finally closing all spaces between them as they come together like puzzle pieces, magnets that are so drawn to one another it almost seems like they’ll never separate again.

[baekhoes_garden.livejournal.com]

baekhoes_garden 🌹 & masterlist (http://baekhoes-garden.livejournal.com/9135.html)

If you want to message me in private, you can DM me @hoesfich (https://twitter.com/hoesfich) 😺

[(Anonymous)]

i read through all of your new masterlist and i have to say i think youre amazing with dialogue!! the way you write dialogue portrays everyone accurately and makes them all unique.. i also like your descriptions, your writing style is simple and concise and not convoluted at all. all in all your fics are all great

[naladot.livejournal.com]

naladot my masterlist on LJ is here (http://this-felicity.livejournal.com/6048.html) and that's where all my fic is. Some have been cross-posted to AO3 (http://archiveofourown.org/users/Naladot/pseuds/Naladot) as well, but not all of them.

I'm really interested in whether or not readers connect emotionally with my fics. Since I mostly write gen and het crackships I invented, I feel like there's a different sort of challenge involved in getting people invested in the story. So I'm always curious about what clicks with people. Because if someone just isn't interested in the pairing or in genfic, that's cool—but if there was the potential to make it work for someone, and it failed to, I'm interested to know what did or didn't work.

[(Anonymous)]

I love all pairings, crack ships & gen included, so I'm not coming from the perspective that you've outlined but I have read a number of your works so I feel like I can still say something helpful

I'm going to preface this by saying that you're a good writer, there's no doubt about that. While you don't get as much recognition as other authors that may be because you write het in a slash dominated fandom rather than your personal skill so don't let it get you down

Now for the concrit. Your style of writing lacks intimate detail and, to an extent, exploration of personal emotions, so sometimes feels quite distant. This might be because you tend to write shorter pieces where it is an effective technique but I'd love to read something from you that had more detail.

[soulgyu.livejournal.com]

after much thought i decided to give it a try. i don't have much plot substantial fic (i write a lot of smut) but i'd be happy to receive any feedback.

AFF (http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view_author_stories/48797/L/) <- i've posted revised versions of fics that are on my ljcomm here

halcyonicdays <- has majority of my works

thanks a lot for any help~!

[riots]

all of my fic is up on ao3 these days!!

[(Anonymous)]

if i had to put your fic in a genre it would probably be romcom. they are cute light hearted fics i would read to feel good. your strongest suit imo is romantic buildup and payoff. i like many of the romantic scenes in your longfics. but sometimes i think they are too romantic that they start to sound cheesy (ex. the dialogue in lead me home) so be careful with that

[runtime]

all my fic is at kalopsia! fics posted 2013-> are more reflective of my current style, but any concrit or feedback would be greatly appreciated n___n

[(Anonymous)]

lol i've only read like three fics /o\

i really like how cute your fics are. the situations are relatable and the fic leaves you feeling good. you also create conflict from dumb boys being dumb boys and that's one of my fave things. also the literary devices you choose are so good *_*

For example:
If Donghyuk’s intention was to use Junhwe as some kind of litmus test, then Junhwe feels justified in saying that he’s only doing his job.
(A+)

the only negative thing i can think of off the top of my head is that sometimes your phrasing feels like you're writing an essay. which can also just be a personal preference thing, but it gives it kind of a stiff quality?

also something like this could be rephrased or broken into two sentences for maximum impact:
Donghyuk drawls, or well, tries to drawl, the closest thing to sarcasm Donghyuk can actually execute is probably mild disinterest.

also porn, the people want porn (jk <3)

[slashedsilver.livejournal.com]

slashedsilver but you'll find everything more neatly organised at AO3 (http://archiveofourown.org/users/slashedsilver/works).

The five latest kpop fics I've written are lined up from the top for your convenience. I'd like any feedback or concrit please ♥

[(Anonymous)]

I'll start with some positives: you have a good grasp of grammar and a clear style that is very understandable. You also write for a lot of fandoms which allows you to explore characterisation

I've only read bits & pieces of your work so you should take that into consideration when you read my concrit.

1. Vary sentences starters. You start with "it's" and names a lot which is fine but it can be repetitive. Not only that but more variety will give you the opportunity to bring in setting descriptors that will give you a lot more depth to your work.

2. Plan your work. You don't necessarily have to have an ending when you start but outlining where you're going to go might help direct your work.

You might disregard that 2nd point if you do plan... Like I said I haven't read your larger works

I hope I haven't offended you & that you can take something away from this which helps develop your work

[sinisterkids]

sinisterkids ☆ masterlist is here. any sort of feedback or concrit would be much appreciated u___u

[(Anonymous)]

hi! i have only read your ikon fic and while i liked it, i feel like your writing kind surface level? i feel like you kind of skim over the top of plot points.

[namikaze-jkc.livejournal.com]

Hi~ Most of my fic is on aff AFF (http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view_author_stories/10538/L), but the complete ones can also be found on Tumblr (http://www.pikasoos.tumblr.com) or AO3 (http://archiveofourown.org/users/pikasoos/works).



My AFF account has my old fics from 2011, but I stopped writing for about two years before starting again in late 2013.. I'm still in the middle of figuring out what my writing style is, along with other things I need to improve on. I would love to hear any feedback or concrit, even with my slightly longer works if anyone has the time ^^;;